he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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