walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
