Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
