I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
