Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
