It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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