I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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