I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
