So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
