id be glad to
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
