i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
