I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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