They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
