Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My ass is underappreciated
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
