I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
