I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
