He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
