What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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