JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
