I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
