Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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