What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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