I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
