she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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