I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
