so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
