Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
