That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
