oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
