Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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