it was like his penis was on wheels.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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