I am puke
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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