Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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