I skipped work to stalk him.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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