i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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