dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
