Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
