Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sorry my hands just texted you
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
