Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
