we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
