its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
