The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
