i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
