you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
