im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
