we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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