No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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