He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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