So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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