he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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