do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
