Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
