toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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