so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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