Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
