his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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