If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
