Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
