wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
