so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
