Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
