do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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