I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
