I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize